We all have different dimensions of ourselves, many shaped by trauma. Often, we refer to the outcomes of traumatic events as “lessons”. It is also true that when we learn from these lessons, our perceptions and interpretations evolve. Traumatic experiences indeed forge new aspects of our personalities. These experiences can transform us, sometimes resulting in a more mature persona, while others may feel weaker than before. When discussing trauma, it’s essential to consider at least three following “considerations”:
- What Should We Need To Know?
After experiencing trauma, it’s crucial to understand the reasons behind our behaviors, thoughts, and interpretations of events. Recognizing the influence of trauma on our current actions and reactions is essential. We are entitled to choose how we want to act and behave, even after acknowledging specific traumas that have affected us. Not understanding the reasons behind our behaviors and actions can limit our freedom, while knowledge empowers us to use our freedom effectively.
We may find ourselves getting angry easily or reacting excessively due to anxiety. It’s important to realize that traumatic experiences alter our perceptions and characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving. Trauma pushes us beyond our comfort zones, leaving us with a different background than before the incident.
Various dimensions of “self”—such as self-esteem, self-image, self-confidence, self-love, and self-concept—are impacted by trauma, along with our communication styles, belief systems, and judgment. Trauma can lead us to exhibit various behaviors, such as people-pleasing, high achievement or perfectionism, constant comparison with others, avoiding relationships or rapidly moving from one relationship to another, maintaining relationships past their healthy duration, setting boundaries that are too rigid or too loose, the compulsion to “fix” others, self-medicating with substances, persistent feelings of depression, anxiety, or anger, sensitivity to rejection, feeling unseen or unheard, the need to over-explain or make excuses, feelings of shame and guilt, poor self-esteem, difficulty expressing emotions, fear of social situations, and dysfunctional or unhealthy behavior towards others.
Being aware of these potential outcomes and side effects of trauma enhances our self-knowledge and self-awareness. It’s important to consider how these aspects of trauma can affect different areas of our life. What are the specific areas that we should be careful about?
2. What Should We Be Careful About?
Traumatized experiences are an integral part of our lives; however, there is a risk of re-traumatization. After trauma, interpreting external variables as threats is a common trauma response, but it is crucial to carefully assess whether these perceptions are accurate. Initially, a traumatized person might see every event or variable as a threat. However, it’s important to reconsider and re-evaluate to determine if such interpretations are indeed correct.
Authenticity
We need to be particularly vigilant about maintaining our authenticity. Trauma can compromise authenticity because a person may react based on a trauma response—such as pleasing others to avoid losing them—rather than acting in accordance with their true desires and what is genuinely beneficial for them in a healthy way. Thus, maintaining authenticity can be challenging for those who have experienced trauma.
Relationships
Another area requiring careful attention is relationships. Trauma alters the “self,” affecting various aspects of personal relationships. We might start interacting with others, including loved ones, based on past traumatic experiences. It’s crucial to ensure that our current communications and relationships are not adversely influenced by past traumas. We may inadvertently project past emotions, attitudes, and experiences onto present relationships, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
Self-Perception
Our self-evaluation and self-love also need careful consideration. Post-trauma, it’s possible to start loving ourselves conditionally or to suffer from diminished self-esteem and a poor self-image. Recognizing these potential changes is essential to avoid the adverse effects of trauma on our self-perception.
Decision-Making
Finally, we must be cautious in our decision-making processes, especially to discern if trauma influences our choices. Sometimes, decisions made under the influence of past traumas can lead to new traumatic experiences. Being mindful of the root causes of our decisions is crucial to prevent a cycle of trauma.
Given the importance of self-awareness and self-knowledge, and considering the various areas that require vigilance, we must now ask ourselves: What should we do next?
3. What Should we do?
It may occur to us that because of such traumatic experiences, we should resist any changes within ourselves. We might tell ourselves that we need to return to our old selves, struggling and fighting against allowing any transformation. However, what if we accepted and respected the change, using it constructively? What if we gradually told ourselves that this traumatic experience pushed us beyond our comfort zone, allowing us to see and feel things that wouldn’t be possible under normal circumstances?
Painful experiences are real, and ignoring or denying them only adds to our pain. Instead, we should acknowledge the pain and the associated experiences, embracing them to use as tools for personal growth and to expand our comfort zone.
It is true that our experiences lead us to behave differently, communicate differently with loved ones, and gradually become more mature than before. To ensure that our actions and responses are appropriate and not solely driven by trauma, we may need to engage in certain activities. These can include talking about the events, avoiding excessive isolation, sticking to our routine activities, being mindful of our feelings, and allowing ourselves time to process. Engaging in these practices helps us distinguish between unhealthy trauma responses and appropriate, healthy reactions.
All in all, trauma has varied consequences and side effects that can lead to personal changes, and it is accurate to say that trauma can change a person’s personality. Understanding and learning how to navigate these impacts is crucial. This is why the ‘three considerations’ are important, especially in therapy and counselling sessions when evaluating different aspects of a traumatized person’s situation. Assessing their level of self-awareness, their knowledge about themselves, and their capacity for self-reflection is key.
Furthermore, in counseling and therapeutic strategies, it is vital to recognize and understand how mindful clients are of their situations as individuals who have experienced trauma and are now attempting to manage various aspects of their lives. This includes their relationships with themselves and others, making significant life decisions, and their self-perceptions. Additionally, it is essential to consider how they choose to navigate and behave, acknowledging their trauma and their awareness of it.
Should you feel compelled to explore self-improvement further and seek guidance to better understand yourself and navigate past trauma, do not hesitate to reach out for coaching and professional support. You can schedule counselling and psychotherapy sessions to take place in person at Park Place in downtown Vancouver, or if you live in the Tri-cities (Coquitlam, Port Coquitlam, and Port Moody), you can come to my other office in the Tri-city Business Centre located on Shaughnessy Street. Additionally, you can receive counselling and psychotherapy services online via Telehealth or virtually.
