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Seyedmohammad Kalantar, Ph.D.

Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC)

Have You Ever Experienced Trauma As The Result Of A Breakup With Your Ex?

Have You Ever Experienced Trauma As The Result Of A Breakup With Your Ex?

In my therapy sessions, I’ve encountered numerous clients who’ve navigated the complexities of love and heartbreak.

As Hafez eloquently puts it, “It seemed that love was an easy thing, But my feet have fallen on difficult ways.” Love stories, while beautiful, can also be incredibly painful. It’s not uncommon to find oneself torn between conflicting feelings in the wake of a breakup – a mix of love, resentment, and even a sense of betrayal.

I’ve listened to countless clients share their stories, where they’re caught in the dichotomy of adoration and animosity for their former partners. They yearn for the love that’s no longer reciprocated, and it’s evident how these situations can be deeply traumatizing.

Detaching from a person you’ve shared years with is akin to a psychological injury, a trauma in its own right. It’s vital to acknowledge that love and trauma often go hand in hand. Even though physical distance may exist, the emotional and mental connection persists, occupying your thoughts every waking moment. Grieving, in this context, is a natural response to the love-induced trauma you’re experiencing.

Does this mean we should avoid love altogether to shield ourselves from potential pain? I believe in facing and embracing the fear of both love and potential loss. Remember, what doesn’t break you, strengthens you. Let’s strive to emerge from this with newfound resilience, cherishing the moments of togetherness and the joys that come with being in love.

I recall a conversation with someone eager to embark on a new chapter in their life through dating. They confided in me, still haunted by thoughts of their ex. I reassured them that such sentiments were entirely valid. After all, years spent with someone create a bond that isn’t easily severed. Moving forward is a human endeavor, one that demands patience and self-compassion.

Then there was another individual who blamed themselves for their partner’s departure, citing a lack of quality time spent together. I posed a crucial question: did they find joy in their shared moments? Uncertainty clouded their response, prompting further introspection.

Similarly, a different client expressed anger towards their ex-partner, understandably so, given the mistreatment they endured. They expressed a desire to part ways, believing they deserved better. Yet, they also grappled with the notion that they were somehow the source of the problem. We delved into the complexities of their relationship, unraveling the dynamics at play.

Let’s delve into the concept of vulnerability in romantic relationships, a subject that holds profound significance.