Eight Reasons Why a Partner Lies in a Romantic Relationship
The art of lying is the strongest acknowledgment of the force of truth. … Our belief systems, values, and understanding of the meaning of life shape our behavior, including how we communicate and treat others. Generally, no one likes being lied to, especially by loved ones or a partner. However, certain situations may lead us to question why we behave in certain ways, or why our partner’s actions contradict their beliefs, values, or sense of meaning. Lying in a romantic relationship, whether by not telling the truth or hiding things, can go against our core values and beliefs, yet it still happens. If you’re seeking self-reflection, self-awareness, and a deeper exploration of the psychological factors behind lying, I suggest reading the following sentences and paragraphs. When we talk about lying, it also includes hiding things—because withholding information can be a form of deception. The following paragraphs explores some of the main psychological reasons why people might lie to their partner. Power seeking and Controlling, and Manipulation Lying often involves hiding information, and it becomes more common when people are seeking to gain power over someone or a situation. This can be especially true in relationships. It’s possible that one or both partners in a romantic relationship may attempt to dominate or exert power over the other, leading them to hide things to maintain or increase their control. Psychological factors such as insecurity, anxiety, stress, and an insecure attachment style can drive individuals to seek more power in a relationship. This need for power also manifests when a person tries to control or manipulate their partner or the dynamics of the relationship. According to Alfred Adler, a pioneer in psychology, feelings of inferiority can lead a person to control, dominate, or manipulate others, including their partner. These behaviors often stem from deep-seated psychological issues, making power-seeking a complex and significant aspect of certain relationships. Superiority In relationships where partners are in competition, the desire for superiority can be a significant psychological reason for lying. A person may lie to portray themselves as the “good” person while depicting their partner as the opposite. This competitive dynamic can lead to deception as a way to maintain a favorable self-image and diminish the other’s. In such relationships, lying may be used to win arguments or maintain a sense of superiority over the partner. The idea that “knowledge is power” also plays a role—hiding information can reduce the partner’s power and help the other maintain their superiority. A partner may prefer to keep secrets to preserve their dominant position in the relationship. Additionally, narcissistic individuals, who often have an inflated sense of self-importance, may lie to maintain their perceived superiority. For them, this behavior helps avoid cognitive dissonance and the discomfort of seeing themselves as anything less than superior in the relationship. Protection of Feelings and Emotions In a romantic relationship, a partner may choose to hide things or even lie to protect their partner’s feelings and emotions, aiming to prevent them from getting hurt, even if only temporarily. For instance, if a partner has committed infidelity and now feels guilty, they might refrain from sharing the truth to avoid causing their partner sadness, depression, or other negative emotions, or to prevent creating discomfort and distance within their partner’s comfort zone. In other words, a partner may choose to conceal certain truths to shield their partner’s feelings and emotions, regardless of the potential long-term consequences for the relationship. This raises a significant couples counselling question: should such truths, like infidelity, cheating and having an affair, be shared with a partner? If not, how does this impact the commitment in a romantic relationship? Is it possible to maintain a committed relationship without being honest about actions that occurred during the relationship? Moreover, protecting feelings and emotions isn’t solely about shielding the other partner. Sometimes, a person lies to protect themselves from emotional pain or discomfort. They might justify their lies by claiming they’re protecting others, but in reality, they may be trying to safeguard their own feelings and emotions and maintain their comfort zone. This self-protection can be a significant motivator behind their decision to deceive. Having an Anxious Attachment Style There are several signs of a person dealing with an anxious attachment style, including fear of abandonment, a need for reassurance, dependency, emotional reactivity, difficulty trusting, and conflict avoidance. These traits can encourage a person to lie as a way to cope, even if it’s unhealthy. Anxious individuals often avoid any triggers that might heighten their anxiety, which can lead them to hide things or lie to their partner. It’s common for people with anxiety to lie about even small matters because their anxiety drives them to do so, despite fully believing in commitment within their romantic relationship. It’s important to understand that when anxious individuals lie, it’s not necessarily about deceiving the person they’re lying to; it’s about managing their own anxiety. Moreover, an anxious person often avoids conflict and, to do so, may resort to lying. They may even be willing to postpone real conflicts, and in doing so, they might choose to lie as a means of delaying the inevitable confrontation. Fear as a Psychological Reason for Lying Fear is a significant psychological reason for lying. People often lie because they are afraid, and this fear can take many forms, including fear of change, fear of loss of autonomy, fear of vulnerability, fear of judgment, fear of the unknown, fear of loss, fear of failure, fear of rejection, and fear of consequences. When it comes to the fear of consequences, individuals may lie to avoid punishment, conflict, or rejection in a relationship. The fear of these outcomes can drive them to conceal the truth or even distort it to avoid negative repercussions, such as losing their partner. The fear of rejection often stems from the worry that sharing the truth will hurt a loved one’s feelings and lead to rejection. Similarly, the fear of failure can lead a person to hide
Eight Reasons Why a Partner Lies in a Romantic Relationship
The art of lying is the strongest acknowledgment of the force of truth. … Our belief systems, values, and understanding of the meaning of life shape our behavior, including how we communicate and treat others. Generally, no one likes being lied to, especially by loved ones or a partner. However, certain situations may lead us to question why we behave in certain ways, or why our partner’s actions contradict their beliefs, values, or sense of meaning. Lying in a romantic relationship, whether by not telling the truth or hiding things, can go against our core values and beliefs, yet it still happens. If you’re seeking self-reflection, self-awareness, and a deeper exploration of the psychological factors behind lying, I suggest reading the following sentences and paragraphs. When we talk about lying, it also includes hiding things—because withholding information can be a form of deception. The following paragraphs explores some of the main psychological reasons why people might lie to their partner. Power seeking and Controlling, and Manipulation Lying often involves hiding information, and it becomes more common when people are seeking to gain power over someone or a situation. This can be especially true in relationships. It’s possible that one or both partners in a romantic relationship may attempt to dominate or exert power over the other, leading them to hide things to maintain or increase their control. Psychological factors such as insecurity, anxiety, stress, and an insecure attachment style can drive individuals to seek more power in a relationship. This need for power also manifests when a person tries to control or manipulate their partner or the dynamics of the relationship. According to Alfred Adler, a pioneer in psychology, feelings of inferiority can lead a person to control, dominate, or manipulate others, including their partner. These behaviors often stem from deep-seated psychological issues, making power-seeking a complex and significant aspect of certain relationships. Superiority In relationships where partners are in competition, the desire for superiority can be a significant psychological reason for lying. A person may lie to portray themselves as the “good” person while depicting their partner as the opposite. This competitive dynamic can lead to deception as a way to maintain a favorable self-image and diminish the other’s. In such relationships, lying may be used to win arguments or maintain a sense of superiority over the partner. The idea that “knowledge is power” also plays a role—hiding information can reduce the partner’s power and help the other maintain their superiority. A partner may prefer to keep secrets to preserve their dominant position in the relationship. Additionally, narcissistic individuals, who often have an inflated sense of self-importance, may lie to maintain their perceived superiority. For them, this behavior helps avoid cognitive dissonance and the discomfort of seeing themselves as anything less than superior in the relationship. Protection of Feelings and Emotions In a romantic relationship, a partner may choose to hide things or even lie to protect their partner’s feelings and emotions, aiming to prevent them from getting hurt, even if only temporarily. For instance, if a partner has committed infidelity and now feels guilty, they might refrain from sharing the truth to avoid causing their partner sadness, depression, or other negative emotions, or to prevent creating discomfort and distance within their partner’s comfort zone. In other words, a partner may choose to conceal certain truths to shield their partner’s feelings and emotions, regardless of the potential long-term consequences for the relationship. This raises a significant couples counselling question: should such truths, like infidelity, cheating and having an affair, be shared with a partner? If not, how does this impact the commitment in a romantic relationship? Is it possible to maintain a committed relationship without being honest about actions that occurred during the relationship? Moreover, protecting feelings and emotions isn’t solely about shielding the other partner. Sometimes, a person lies to protect themselves from emotional pain or discomfort. They might justify their lies by claiming they’re protecting others, but in reality, they may be trying to safeguard their own feelings and emotions and maintain their comfort zone. This self-protection can be a significant motivator behind their decision to deceive. Having an Anxious Attachment Style There are several signs of a person dealing with an anxious attachment style, including fear of abandonment, a need for reassurance, dependency, emotional reactivity, difficulty trusting, and conflict avoidance. These traits can encourage a person to lie as a way to cope, even if it’s unhealthy. Anxious individuals often avoid any triggers that might heighten their anxiety, which can lead them to hide things or lie to their partner. It’s common for people with anxiety to lie about even small matters because their anxiety drives them to do so, despite fully believing in commitment within their romantic relationship. It’s important to understand that when anxious individuals lie, it’s not necessarily about deceiving the person they’re lying to; it’s about managing their own anxiety. Moreover, an anxious person often avoids conflict and, to do so, may resort to lying. They may even be willing to postpone real conflicts, and in doing so, they might choose to lie as a means of delaying the inevitable confrontation. Fear as a Psychological Reason for Lying Fear is a significant psychological reason for lying. People often lie because they are afraid, and this fear can take many forms, including fear of change, fear of loss of autonomy, fear of vulnerability, fear of judgment, fear of the unknown, fear of loss, fear of failure, fear of rejection, and fear of consequences. When it comes to the fear of consequences, individuals may lie to avoid punishment, conflict, or rejection in a relationship. The fear of these outcomes can drive them to conceal the truth or even distort it to avoid negative repercussions, such as losing their partner. The fear of rejection often stems from the worry that sharing the truth will hurt a loved one’s feelings and lead to rejection. Similarly, the fear of failure can lead a person to hide
The Impact of Trauma on Personality: Three Essential Considerations
We all have different dimensions of ourselves, many shaped by trauma. Often, we refer to the outcomes of traumatic events as “lessons”. It is also true that when we learn from these lessons, our perceptions and interpretations evolve. Traumatic experiences indeed forge new aspects of our personalities. These experiences can transform us, sometimes resulting in a more mature persona, while others may feel weaker than before. When discussing trauma, it’s essential to consider at least three following “considerations”: After experiencing trauma, it’s crucial to understand the reasons behind our behaviors, thoughts, and interpretations of events. Recognizing the influence of trauma on our current actions and reactions is essential. We are entitled to choose how we want to act and behave, even after acknowledging specific traumas that have affected us. Not understanding the reasons behind our behaviors and actions can limit our freedom, while knowledge empowers us to use our freedom effectively. We may find ourselves getting angry easily or reacting excessively due to anxiety. It’s important to realize that traumatic experiences alter our perceptions and characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving. Trauma pushes us beyond our comfort zones, leaving us with a different background than before the incident. Various dimensions of “self”—such as self-esteem, self-image, self-confidence, self-love, and self-concept—are impacted by trauma, along with our communication styles, belief systems, and judgment. Trauma can lead us to exhibit various behaviors, such as people-pleasing, high achievement or perfectionism, constant comparison with others, avoiding relationships or rapidly moving from one relationship to another, maintaining relationships past their healthy duration, setting boundaries that are too rigid or too loose, the compulsion to “fix” others, self-medicating with substances, persistent feelings of depression, anxiety, or anger, sensitivity to rejection, feeling unseen or unheard, the need to over-explain or make excuses, feelings of shame and guilt, poor self-esteem, difficulty expressing emotions, fear of social situations, and dysfunctional or unhealthy behavior towards others. Being aware of these potential outcomes and side effects of trauma enhances our self-knowledge and self-awareness. It’s important to consider how these aspects of trauma can affect different areas of our life. What are the specific areas that we should be careful about? 2. What Should We Be Careful About? Traumatized experiences are an integral part of our lives; however, there is a risk of re-traumatization. After trauma, interpreting external variables as threats is a common trauma response, but it is crucial to carefully assess whether these perceptions are accurate. Initially, a traumatized person might see every event or variable as a threat. However, it’s important to reconsider and re-evaluate to determine if such interpretations are indeed correct. Authenticity We need to be particularly vigilant about maintaining our authenticity. Trauma can compromise authenticity because a person may react based on a trauma response—such as pleasing others to avoid losing them—rather than acting in accordance with their true desires and what is genuinely beneficial for them in a healthy way. Thus, maintaining authenticity can be challenging for those who have experienced trauma. Relationships Another area requiring careful attention is relationships. Trauma alters the “self,” affecting various aspects of personal relationships. We might start interacting with others, including loved ones, based on past traumatic experiences. It’s crucial to ensure that our current communications and relationships are not adversely influenced by past traumas. We may inadvertently project past emotions, attitudes, and experiences onto present relationships, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. Self-Perception Our self-evaluation and self-love also need careful consideration. Post-trauma, it’s possible to start loving ourselves conditionally or to suffer from diminished self-esteem and a poor self-image. Recognizing these potential changes is essential to avoid the adverse effects of trauma on our self-perception. Decision-Making Finally, we must be cautious in our decision-making processes, especially to discern if trauma influences our choices. Sometimes, decisions made under the influence of past traumas can lead to new traumatic experiences. Being mindful of the root causes of our decisions is crucial to prevent a cycle of trauma. Given the importance of self-awareness and self-knowledge, and considering the various areas that require vigilance, we must now ask ourselves: What should we do next? 3. What Should we do? It may occur to us that because of such traumatic experiences, we should resist any changes within ourselves. We might tell ourselves that we need to return to our old selves, struggling and fighting against allowing any transformation. However, what if we accepted and respected the change, using it constructively? What if we gradually told ourselves that this traumatic experience pushed us beyond our comfort zone, allowing us to see and feel things that wouldn’t be possible under normal circumstances? Painful experiences are real, and ignoring or denying them only adds to our pain. Instead, we should acknowledge the pain and the associated experiences, embracing them to use as tools for personal growth and to expand our comfort zone. It is true that our experiences lead us to behave differently, communicate differently with loved ones, and gradually become more mature than before. To ensure that our actions and responses are appropriate and not solely driven by trauma, we may need to engage in certain activities. These can include talking about the events, avoiding excessive isolation, sticking to our routine activities, being mindful of our feelings, and allowing ourselves time to process. Engaging in these practices helps us distinguish between unhealthy trauma responses and appropriate, healthy reactions. All in all, trauma has varied consequences and side effects that can lead to personal changes, and it is accurate to say that trauma can change a person’s personality. Understanding and learning how to navigate these impacts is crucial. This is why the ‘three considerations’ are important, especially in therapy and counselling sessions when evaluating different aspects of a traumatized person’s situation. Assessing their level of self-awareness, their knowledge about themselves, and their capacity for self-reflection is key. Furthermore, in counseling and therapeutic strategies, it is vital to recognize and understand how mindful clients are of their situations as individuals who have experienced trauma and
Exploring the Power of Self-Awareness: Vital Reasons to Deepen Your Understanding
Exploring the Power of Self-Awareness: Vital Reasons to Deepen Your Understanding “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle 1. Developing Self-Trust At the core of trust lies knowledge. The deeper our understanding, the better we can foresee outcomes, enhancing our trust in ourselves. Getting acquainted with our abilities, weaknesses, strengths, and limitations fosters a space for vulnerability, thereby nurturing a robust sense of self-trust. 2. Crafting Effective Plans Successful planning hinges on a thorough grasp of numerous aspects: our energy levels, skills, past experiences, current situations, limitations, habits, personal history, self-esteem, confidence, daily emotions, thoughts, and family influences. Being aware of these factors leads to more informed and effective planning strategies. For example, acknowledging mood changes, pinpointing anxiety triggers, or comprehending unexplained emotions aids in more insightful decision-making. A deficit in self-awareness can constrict our comprehension, thereby impeding personal growth and the ability to make proactive decisions. 3. Embracing Self-Acceptance Self-acceptance is pivotal for personal growth. Yet, achieving genuine self-acceptance is challenging without adequate self-awareness. We might struggle to fully understand ourselves if we leave aspects of our history and memories unexplored, as these can subtly shape our self-perception. 4. Cultivating Self-Confidence Gaining insight into our emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and triggers enables us to act with consideration, thereby diminishing regrets and self-criticism. Our confidence flourishes when we align our actions with our strengths. Recognizing our triggers allows us to respond proactively, reducing the tendency to blame ourselves for reactions or overreactions. 5. Overcoming Loneliness Self-awareness is instrumental in defining our life goals and passions, offering both direction and motivation. A lack of clarity in our desires can result in indecision and a sense of disconnection, culminating in feelings of loneliness. However, a clear sense of self-awareness helps in building connections, as it enables us to express our interests more effectively, thereby drawing in individuals with similar aspirations and mindsets. 6. Achieving Sufficient Independence Self-awareness entails a deep comprehension of our origins and an acknowledgment of life’s various phases, encompassing our past, present, and future. This journey involves uncovering our own values and interests, setting them apart from those of others around us. By acknowledging differences in lifestyles and perspectives, we nurture our independence, enabling us to make decisions that truly resonate with our authentic selves. If you believe professional support is essential for your personal growth, feel free to reach out, You can schedule counselling and psychotherapy sessions to take place in person at Park Place in downtown Vancouver, or if you live in the Tri-cities (Coquitlam, Port Coquitlam, and Port Moody), you can come to my other office in the Tri-city Business Centre located on Shaughnessy Street. Additionally, you can receive counselling and psychotherapy services online via Telehealth or virtually.
Stress And Anxiety
Stress Anxiety Stress and anxiety are two related but distinct experiences. Stress is a physiological response to a perceived threat or challenge, whether real or imagined. It can be caused by various factors such as work, relationships, financial problems, or even positive life changes like a new job or moving to a new city. In other words, stress is a response to a specific situation or event. While stress is usually temporary and often related to a specific situation or event, anxiety can persist even when the stressor is removed. Additionally, anxiety is often more pervasive and may impact multiple areas of a person’s life, whereas stress tends to be more limited to the specific stressor. Anxiety is a feeling of unease, apprehension, or worry about something that might happen in the future. It is often characterized by excessive and persistent worry or fear, which can be challenging to control. Anxiety can be triggered by various factors, such as health concerns, social situations, financial worries, or past traumatic experiences. It’s also worth noting that while some level of stress can be motivating, excessive anxiety can be detrimental to a person’s overall well-being. In summary, stress and anxiety share some similarities in terms of physiological responses, but they have different causes, durations, and impacts on a person’s life. Anxiety disorders according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) which is like a bible for clinicians in psychology, psychotherapy and counselling fields, there are different types of anxiety including anxiety disorders: Separation anxiety disorder Selective Mutism Specific Phobia Social Anxiety Disorder Panic Disorder Panic Attack Specifier Agoraphobia Generalized Anxiety Disorder Substance/Medication-Induced Anxiety Disorder Anxiety Disorder Due to Another Medical Condition Other Specified and Unspecified Anxiety Disorder So, there are several types of anxiety disorders, and they are often characterized by excessive and persistent fear, anxiety, or avoidance behaviors related to specific objects or situations. Individuals with anxiety disorders often experience a range of physiological and emotional symptoms, including muscle tension, heart palpitations, sweating, dizziness, restlessness, and a sense of impending doom. It’s important to seek professional help if you are experiencing persistent anxiety symptoms that are interfering with your daily life. How can stress and anxiety impact us? Stress and anxiety can have serious consequences on our mental and physical health. Here are some of the ways stress and anxiety can impact us: • Feeling out of control • Engaging in self-harm or suicidal thoughts and ideations • Experiencing a prolonged low mood • Difficulty with concentration and decision-making • Experiencing a change in hygiene habits • Experiencing appetite disturbance or changes in weight • Experiencing sleep problems, such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, or nightmares • Misusing drugs or alcohol to cope with stress and anxiety • Experiencing irrational fears and phobias • Experiencing anger and irritability • Feeling unmotivated and lacking in energy • Lacking in self-efficacy and confidence It’s important to seek help if you are experiencing any of these symptoms. Stress and anxiety can be effectively managed with the right treatment, such as therapy, medication, or lifestyle changes. How can I help my clients with stress and anxiety? Helping a client with stress or anxiety depends on many factors. While some clients may benefit from learning coping tools, others may require a more professional and evidence-based approach. For severe anxiety, it’s important to utilize evidence-based treatments that are specific to the type of anxiety disorder the client is experiencing. An integrated approach that includes Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Dialectic Behavior Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, and an Existential lens has proven to be effective for clients who suffer from anxiety. In my professional clinical counselling sessions, whether in person in Vancouver or through qualified online counselling, I utilize the integrated therapy approach. Having access to online counselling services allows you to consider, “ there are counselling sessions near me ” This undoubtedly reflects the dedication of our qualified clinical counselling services in supporting your mental health. Some instances of help and support for clients with stress and anxiety include, but are not limited to: Validating feelings and emotions. Utilizing therapeutic questions to increase self-awareness. Understanding and detecting relevant triggers. Teaching clients how to cope with or eliminate triggers. Encouraging the use of techniques related to sleep hygiene. Assessing the client’s strengths and limitations. Teaching emotion regulation techniques. Teaching anger management techniques. Encouraging the use of useful therapeutic exercises if necessary. It’s important to individualize treatment for each client, considering their unique situation and needs. By doing so, we can collaborate, whether in person at my Vancouver office or through online virtual sessions, to develop a tailored treatment plan that brings about positive and enduring results for you.
